One.

"The thing about new beginnings is that they require something else to end".

You know who said that? Blair Waldorf... As in Gossip Girl. As in Blair Freaking Waldorf. Who knew the queen of mean could say something so poignant? I did... Because I'm a huge nerd, read all of the books, and have terrible taste in television.

I just closed my business after 3+ years. 3+ years of not knowing what the HELL I was doing, flying by the seat of my pants, and taking a risk. And you know what? I'm not that upset about it. Honestly, I'm more at peace with this decision than I have been with the struggle over the last year. I don't feel like I failed. I was feeling like I was failING, and now, I feel like I've made the right decision. In my mind, the struggle was REAL, and now the end feels okay.

It also may be the fact that I don't have much time to dwell on it. Raising a 3 year old while working part time, and incubating another tiny human doesn't leave you much time to stress. (Except for at 3 am when said tiny incubating human decides to tap-dance on your bladder and your dog is snoring and you can't fall back to sleep.) But you know, that working mom life doesn't leave you much time to worry about if you've failed by closing your business.

I'm rambling, I know, but I kinda feel like I need to right now. It's why I opened up this dinosaur of a blog, after 4 years. Do people even start blogs anymore? Is it even a thing? I looked back at old posts this morning and seriously?! Who CARED what I had for breakfast? Did anyone even really want to read a post about my lime green file cabinet? (Also WTF was I thinking with that one?) I mean, our trip to Paris had pretty photos, and our dog is super rad, but honestly, life was pretty boring back then... I was boring back then.

But maybe, maybe I'm still boring. Maybe no one wants to read about my kid, my house, the weird way we ended up halfway across the country almost 4 years ago (which apparently isn't so weird because ALL of our friends here did the same thing.) Maybe no one gives a flying F about what I have to say. But here's the thing... I'm not sure if I give a flying F what they think... I started this blog back then as a creative outlet. A place for me to write my thoughts, to get shit out, and to use my brain a little... And that's kind of what I'm looking for now.

I've closed my brand, I'm raising a kid, and maybe this can be my place again, to use my brain, to get shit out, and to just write. Even if no one wants to read it. It's supposed to be a virtual diary, right? Well what better place for my verbal vomit than out on the internet where the whole world can see it... Even though they probably won't.


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